How Ad Tech Will Save Your Thanksgiving

Nervous about spending Thanksgiving with friends and family who may have voted on the other side? We’ve got a solution!

Don’t let the great American holiday dissolve into disarray just because someone across the table voted for lyin’ Hillary or tryin’ Trump.

Avoid the shouting, table thumping and food fights by wooing loved ones into a deep state of repose through advertising technology.

Here’s how.

Once everyone’s dug into the turkey, guide the conversation away from strife and toward peoples’ jobs.

“But enough about the election, Uncle Jim. How’s work?”

“Sally, are you still enjoying that position at [company name]?”

Politeness will dictate they return the favor and ask about your career. Even if they don’t, you can take still regale them with your latest triumph.

Tell the assembled how you secured the RFP then made sure the I/O met MRC viewability standards, that WPP wants even more, and that the targeted impressions will roll in for maximum GRP! Throw in a few “cross-screen,” “360” and other choice jargon. Maybe some DSPs, SSPs, DMPs, header bidding even a DFP, DFA and DCM.

As you’re talking, the turkey’s tryptophan, and the mashed potatoes, gravy, dinner rolls, stuffing, wine, beer, buttered green beans, candied almonds, honeyed walnuts, sugared cranberry compote, sweet potato casserole, pig-in-a-blanket appetizers, brie, Cheez Whiz (trademark “R”), French bread, chips, dip, mixed nuts, pumpkin pie, whipped cream, Irish coffee and Aunt Petunia’s “oh you must have one bite!” holiday apple crisp will all have started to kick in.

Your acronym soup will hasten the heavy eyelids and muscle relaxation, leaving your companions too drowsy to do much more than drag themselves to the TV and maybe, just maybe clear the table.

If someone has enough energy to ask, “What is it you do, again?” you can deal the coup de grace, launching into a near-verbatim recount of the longest session you attended at a recent industry event.

Don’t worry if you don’t really know all the ad tech acronyms. Our special technique works for marketing automation and publishing tech, too!

Have a happy, festive and jargon-laden Thanksgiving, everyone.



Image shared under Creative Commons license via Flickr.

Author: Dorian Benkoil

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , .